Sioux Center Summer

First, I thought I would share some of the verses that have been with me for most of the summer, verses I keep going back to and try to keep in mind.

"Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody." --taken from 1 Thessalonians 4

"Seek things above...not earthly things." "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts..."

--Colossians 3v 2&15

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful." "Be wise in the way you act towards outsiders; make the most of every opportunity." "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you know how to answer everyone."

--Colossians 4v 2,5&6

Summer has flown by, as most summers tend to do. Short, but so sweet.

Riding three-wide, between two of my favorite boys, on the front bench of a worn pickup truck. Humidity heavy in the air, dusk, watching the corn run over endless hills. I thought about all of the little moments--just driving to no where in particular on a hot July night.

• Learning how to ride a dirt bike! (Even if I stalled the thing a couple of times, I never thought I would actually work one by myself. Now I have.)
• A day on the water, exhausted and burnt from the sun and bruised from a stubborn knee board, but a wonderful afternoon with best friends, none-the-less.
• Holding a crying, 24-hour old, baby girl to my chest trying to coax her back to sleep; dark, wispy curls covering her beautiful newborn head.
• Applying lotion to the cool hands of a dying school teacher, as she tries to hold back tears of desperation and fear. A stubborn, brave spirit.
• Sunday lunch at home. No words can describe the intensity, the love, and the food, experienced at our dining room table.
• Long walks with Bailey in the worst blankets of heat imaginable, with strawberry popsicles to reward our attempts at thoroughly dehydrating ourselves.

On a more serious note, I had a near-death experience at the hands of an elderly gentlemen in a Lincoln town-car. Not a highlight of my summer, but something I will always remember! If he hadn't been deterred by first hitting my vehicle, he would have directly run me over as I sold vegetables at the farmer's market stand. Instead he pealed backwards and forwards, ramming my booth with his Lincoln, twice. The third time he drove forward, I gathered my wits and ran towards his vehicle and turned the ignition off for him.

Poor Mr. Elsworth.

Poor me!

Post-adrenaline rush migraines are the worst.

Work has been going well. Honestly, I couldn't have asked for anything more. I love my job. Sounds so simple, but it is so true. In the future I've decided that I'll share short stories from experiences I've had as a nurse. Maybe someday I'll even write a book.

Maybe. Maybe not.

Tuesday June 7, 2011

"For you did not choose ME, I chose you..." John 15v16

"We are taken into God's purpose with no awareness of it at all..."

Oswald Chambers

"Say your last name again."

"Now that there's a Horstman..."

"You're a Wesselius girl aren't you?"

Whether questions or statements I've heard it all countless times, and today was no exception. Today was special. Today was my first day in my navy blue scrubs, as a nurse at the Sioux Center Community Hospital.

Yes. I accepted a job in my home town. Funny. I move to San Diego only to move back home for a job in Iowa. So backwards. But I am happy. Happy to be here with my family. Happy to be surrounded by some of my best friends. Thankful and content. Grateful that I have been provided a job to pay my bills. Content with what I have discovered and learned and done these past months.

Days are slower here. There is silence. Still moments. The fields are turning green. You can see the corn grow. Seriously. My favorite time of year. Last night Sarah and I watched Micah and Travis play church softball. Biting bugs, oppressive humidity, flickering fireflies, and the crack of pop-fly balls. Summer is definitely here.

I've thought a lot about my decision to move home. A lot. The decision was in no way, shape, or form, easy to make. These last three months have held so many thoughts! I prayed oh so hard for a job. Any job. And the only job to show its face is the one I have now. God brought me back to Sioux County for a purpose. My life is in His hands.

But that doesn't mean I'm not left wondering as to what comes next. As Pastor Carl said on my first Sunday back, "I love you. TRUST ME." says our Father. That's no small feat.

We do not always understand where God leads us in life --or like it! The ONE who calls is faithful and HE will do it.

This spring has been a struggle. Loneliness creeps in and my thoughts would often get the best of me. Feeling utterly alone can catch you off guard or stay lying in the pit of your stomach for hours on end, a constant, nagging, ache. I found God in those alone moments, which brought me to a realization. Giving yourself time and space from other people and distracting relationships can actually strengthen you as an individual and in the one relationship that really counts.

So here I am, excited to be closer to the people I hold dearest in my heart, eager to learn the ropes of a new job, and trying my best to listen patiently without doubt to God's plan.

Evening of the Year

Last night I fell asleep on the couch, waiting for my sister to finish her book so we could make the trek upstairs to our frigid bedroom together. Apparently she left me sleeping soundly at 3:45am. So much for going to bed at the same time. Instead I woke up suddenly this morning to the sounds of my mother clanging around in the kitchen. Apparently she tried to get me up when the bacon and eggs were ready, but I don't recall that ever happening. Thanks for making breakfast Mom. Sorry I didn't roll off the couch to eat what you created.

The day started slowly for all of us. My parents came out of the bedroom around 9:30am. I decidedly got up at 11:30. Jessica appeared around quarter 'til one. But no matter. Today is our favorite day. We washed and folded loads upon loads of laundry. The smells of bacon melted away as Madeline made chocolate chip cookies...which by now have been devoured, every last crumb. Dad did his manly duties outdoors in the blowing snow. He loves his tractor and maneuvering it through endless drifts. The afternoon found its way out as we listened to Christmas carols and Mom brought out her knitting needles. After Dad unbundled, he found his way to the living room, slumped his chilled bones into a corner of the couch and began to read aloud. Mom knits. Dad reads to her. To all of us actually. Sometimes he quickly reads ahead in his story and laughs, before coming back to share the tale with us. When I was younger I hated this habit of his, now it's something I love. Just Dad, enjoying a book so well that he can read it twice, once silently and then out loud, and with passion. Afternoon fades into evening, Mom has made shells for supper and poured wine. We've managed to stay cozy and warm inside all day, avoiding a storm that's supposed to be "the one" of the century. At supper our chatter turns to embarrassing stories from the past. Are there better things to talk about than diarrhea, vomit, and peed in pants, at the dinner table...on Christmas Eve? Apparently not. Mom and I quick wash the china as supper comes to a close and the family moves to the living room. We each have a present in our stocking. And then my sisters and I exchange our gifts. My gift goes to Jess. Jessica to Madeline. Adrienne to Allison. Madeline to Adrienne. Laughter fills the room as Adrienne gets re-gifted with the scarf she's been crocheting all day. Her face is filled with shock and disappointment...before finding her real gift buried in the scarf. Almost every year, Adrienne would sneak little things away from us older girls, stealing lip glosses, headbands, pencils, only to give them back at Christmastime. Madeline successfully got the prankster back. We boil water for hot chocolate and eat our peppermint ice cream before settling down to watch a movie. All four of us snuggled together on the couch. Christmas Eve. Together.

Journal

Today I opened my mailslot for the first time since May and discovered a paper I had written for Ethics class last October.

It's not like I haven't been around dying people before. I was in the room when an elderly resident I cared for at the nursing home stopped gasping for air and passed away. I heard her last breath and called the nurse. I have dealt with the deaths of residents that I've been close to. I've gotten teary eyed during post-mortem cares. But nothing compared to the wrenching sobs of a nurse I observed on the clinical floor last week. Her patient was coding. The young girl's heard had stopped and she wasn't breathing. And the nurse was an emotional wreck. I've thought about the implications of developing relationships with clients before, working at a nursing home for four years it's difficult not to form bonds with residents you've taken care of for seemingly forever. but when does a nurse-client relationship go too far? How do you stop yourself from becoming emotionally attached?

I've been wrestling with a lot of quesitons in my head for the past week. That fateful day on the pediatric floor will forever be engrained in my mind. Maybe it's because I'd never seen CPR being performed in real life before. Movies are one thing. When you're standing in the hall, watching trauma teams run through to try to save a life, your whole perspective changes. the doctor on the phone, running fingers through her hair. The resident frantically flipping through the pages of his palm-sized medical dictionary. Hysterical screams from the mouth of Mom, slumped helpless in the hallway. Nurses doing compressions on a small lifeless body, bending into the softness of the mattress. The hissing sound of the ambu-bag and oxygen trying in vain to bring a breath of life. Yells of "All clear!" and requests for medications, vital signs, IV access. This isn't the peaceful, expected death of an elderly client on hospice who's lived a full life. This client still has her whole life ahead of her. I was scared. I was in awe. Life is but a split second from death.

As I write this journal I fell a thousand questions peeling through my mind. Ethical issues that we've discussed in class raised their ugly heads when I wasn't expecting them. Where do nurses draw the line between compassionate care and develpoing too personal a relationship with client and family? How do we keep events confidential? Whose responsiblilty is it for not preparint the mother who walks into a room where her young daughter has been attached to tubes and machines and is lying bare from CPR? How does a nurse deal with self-blame and guilt associated with a client's death? One afternoon changes so many lives, mine included. I almost feel horrible saying that a little girl's life draining away left me with an incredible learning experience. But it was. And it did.

A week later I'm in a different portion of my clinical experience, a pediatric clinic across town. And what are the nurses talking about? The trauma situation I witnessed. I sit quietly, not saying a word. I want to scream. I was there. I know what went on. But going through my head?....how do all these nurses know about this? How do they know these details? THey don't even work at the hospital! They weren't there! What ever happened to confidentiality?

Nurses are called to fill the role of caregiver, teacher, advocate, and a multiple amount of other roles as well. Along with these roles comes the responsiblity to fulfill them. As nurses we are responsible for providing quality care for our clients. Included in this care is effective communication, trust, and confidentiality. Nurses provide care for the physical needs of his/her clients but also must provide emotional and spiritual care to the client and their family as well. families trust health care professionals to do their utmost best for their sick loved one. Whe I see and hear health care workers talking about confidential situations in areas that are inappropriate, I feel that we have broken that trust. Providing emotional care to clients and their families means the nurse is probably going to become involved emotionally as well, but in order to keep his/her integrity and professional stuatus, the nurse must make sure not to relate too personally. Not that we cannot be personable and friendly with our clients, but that we must maintain the thought that we are there to help in the healing process, not be best friends.

As a student nurse I am glad that I can use the situation I witnessed on clinical to evaluate my own personal ethical standards. It is easy to say now that I will never lose control of my emotions or break confidentiality by telling a story. And I hope I never will. but in the future I will remember this sad clinical day, remember the issues that came about, look for these issues and more in my own practice, and follow ethical standards that I have set up for myself.

Grosser-Mythen

Monday, June 1.
We were all up by 8am. Breakfast was fresh pastries and croissants from the baker up the road. Jander's group was leaving on the 8:54am bus, so they could catch their train from Zurich to Paris to Amsterdam. So we all said a final goodbye. Deb and Brian's house felt quite emp[ty with just us three girls. We helped clean up after breakfast and then began packing for our hike up a mountain! We drove up to a parking lot and then Brian hiked with Deb and us girls the first part of the trail to the "clubhouse" at the bottom of the mountain, and drank coffee while the girls and lattes/hot chocolates-then kissed Deb goodbye, hiking home, while we went up the mountain! Hiking the Grosser-Mythen with DEb was breath-taking! It was a killer of a hike, a work out, but one with the best views :) We made it to the top where we rested and Deb bought us Snickers. I hiked a Swiss Alp! There's no better way than to celebrate with chocolate! The hike was steep and rocky, especially with my KEEN open-toed sandeals-but so worth it. I had several strangers comment on my sandals...especially since I was the only one seen hiking in such open shoes all day! But they worked really well (a great buy mom!). We got back home and and ate a late lunch of left-over sausage and BBQ chicken. Brian and Deb brough us into Zurich in the late afternoon, saying goodbye to us, and leaving us to walk around old town Zurich again. Our Eurail passes got us on a great 1 1/2 our ferry ride around Lake Zurich....great way to end the long day.

Switzerland!

Saturday, May 30.

Melodie, Kristen, and I woke up bright and early, to say goodbye to Mark and Kristina, and then left to catch our train to Zurich, Switzerland! Our only stop and transfer was supposed to be in Milano-which we accomplished. But because it was delayed from leaving, we ran into problems down the line. We stopped just over the Swiss border in Lugano-where everyone was instructed to leave the train. All the passengers were VERY confused, including us ( maybe because we don't speak Italian?) It was an especi9ally small station for some reason, and there was no help/information desk. Only one man on the platform with a bright orange vest. He was surrounded by an immense-crowd of question-filled persons. He found a break in the the crowd at one point, looked around...and ran! Leaving us still very confused. We then made friends with a kind and extremely chatty older Italian man named Maurice. He had a friend in the train business and figured out we would need to wait for aboutan hour on the Lugano platform, get on a train-ride-transfer again to yet another train, in order to get to Zurich. Never the less, we survived the chaos. The train ride was one of the most scenic I've ever been on. The Swiss Alps, the mountain lakes, snow-covered pakes...it was a gorgeous afternoon. I also slept...alot...while Melodie chatted away with Maurice. Apparently he's a world traveler-55 countries total-but never Great Britain ( although he's from Italy?) He'd also traveled more of the U.S. than we had....but we took into account that he was probably in his upper fifties/sixties. Along the way we pasesed through many mountain tunnels. I always knew-even when my eyes were closed-when we were going through a tunnel, because my ears would plug and pop.
With all the elevation changes and going through tunnels, I think I've mastered ho to pop my ears!
We were supposed to arrive in Surich and meet Deb Broek ( a Dordt board member who lives there) at 2:50pm; but because of the delays we got there at 3:50. None of us had been able to use the phone while we were stopped in Lugano-so we were a little worried about meeting Deb late. It turned out akay. She had made a mistake and thought our train arrieve at 3:30-so she'd only been waiting for 20 minutes instead of one hour. Kristen had met Deb when she was in Sioux Center for a board meeting this spring-and Jander Talen and Mark Eekhoff had stayed with her and her husband Brian last summer-so we'd emailed her to arrange staying with them for a couple of days! I was really excited because Jander, Troy, Val, Claire, and Cory had decided last minute to also stay with Deb and Brian. That group arrived a night before Melodie, Kristen, and I-and were gone hiking while Brian and Deb picked us up in Zurich and brough us back to their mountain house in Oberiberg. Our two traveling groups had left Amsterdam on teh samed day-going different directions, so it was a surprise and a really big treat to see them and hear about their travels! While we waited for the hikers to get back, we chilled in a house! (which felt sooo good!) We all headed out to an outdoor grilling area for supper in the forrest. Brian is a fantastic cook-grilling spicy sausages, chicken, kabobs, and making the best baked beans EVER! We chilled our beer and pop in the mountain stream and had an amazing relaxing night outdoors. Deb had volunteered us to sing in their church on Sunday am-so after supper we practiced some choir tour songs before heading to bed.

Sunday, May 31.

I slept so well! There's something about being in a house, a hot shower, and clean sheets! Plus having such welcoming and loving hosts! Deb and Brian fed us eggs and sausage-and COFFEE! for breakfast. They have 8 kids in their small mountain house, but it doesn't seem to phase them. Melodie, Kristen, and Val rode with Brian and Deb in their convertible Audi to Thalwil to church. Jander, Troy, Claire, Cory and I navigate the brilliant quick and smooth, bus and metro system to Thalwil where Deb picked us up in a friend's van. We went to an International Baptist church where the Broek's have been members for the past 10 years. The congregation was warm and receptive and I felt very much at home. The message was on being part of the body of Christ and utilizing our spiritual gifts. Our group of 8 sang 3 songs....Praise the Lord, Chantez a Dieu, and A Gaelic Blessing. After church we talked to so many people! It was awesome to share with them about what makes a college Christian and why we wanted to have a Christian higher education. We had a lot of fun. And I was so happy! In Switzerland. With good friends. Worshipping God. Enjoying His creation. One of the best days of the trip! So happy! Deb's cousin from California was also visting, so us college kids were on our own for the afternoon. We went into Zurich to find some lunch and then stopped at a Starbucks for a caffiene "pick-me-up" Troy had gone to the main train station to see a doctor for his "bronchitis-sounding" cough ( a VERY sick kid); but the wait was two hours long. Troy, Val, and Cory went home after lunch to rest up. Melodie, Kristen, Claire, Jander, and I stayed in downtown Zurich. It was a beautiful warm Sunday afternoon. We took lots of pictures and went in search of bicycles. In Zurich there are "rent-a-bike" stations where you leave an ID and get a bike for the day for free. BUT the place we went looking for had been moved, we wandered a bit (a common theme for our trip!) before finding the station...with no bikes! So needless to say, we walked around for the afternoon, no biking for us! We arrived home at 730pm to find the sick kids watching a movie. Claire, Melodie, Cory, Jander and I played some intense games of Rook before Brian and Deb came home from their afternoon/evening out. Deb poured us all a glass of champagne, while Brian started making a wonderful Mexican dinner. For the first course we had homemade nachos, pico de gallo, guacomole AND quesadillas. For our "second course" we had AWSOME burritos. In between courses we drank wine, talked and talked, and had lots of fun. By the time we were done eating it was about 1030. Claire, Mel, and Kristen cleaned up the kitchen. Afterwards we stayed up sharing stories and talking. Relaxing on leather sofas. In crisp, clean mountain air. With the sounds of sheep and cow bells ringing...

Venezia

Thursday, May 28.

Took the train from Salzburg to Venice's San Lucia train station. After arriving, we decided paying 4 euros each was WAY too expensive for storing our packs-so we went on a four hour walking-venture in Venice. With our packs. And purses. Before leaving the station Melodie, Kristen, and I easily booked our train tickets to Zurich. But Mark and Kristina weren't so lucky. They had a language-barrier, no microphone, talking-through-glass adventure. And FINALLY got there ticket situation to Amsterdam figured out :) Thank goodness. While they figured out their mess, Kristen and I bought a map of Venice that turned out to be our BEST Italian purchase ever....that map saved us several times!
Venice is truly a magical city with its stair bridges, canals, yummy gelato, and crazy winding streets!
Back to the packs! With map in hand, our group of 5 set out with our backpacks. Four hours later I felt "in-one" with my pack. With the straps adjusted the 30 pounds was pretty okay-but after four-hours I was a tad tired. We found the Rialto bridge, ate some authentic AMAZING Italian pizza ( mine was topped with fresh tomatoes, red onions, and cheese) and stopped for a scoop of mocha gelato. We managed to get lost on the way back to the bus station, so using our super duper map Mark navigated us to our correct destination. We rode the bus to Marghara where we walked and walked and walked to our hostel (seemingly in the middle of nowhere)-Camp Jolly. And jolly it was. We had two hard canvas "tents" each with 3 beds. There was a community-campground style bathroom and a swimming pool (which we weren't able to use). The shower was hot and hard and perfect. Especially after such a long day of traveling.

Friday May 29.

Today we got to experience Venice withOUT our heavy bags :) Our tents were kind of chilly but for the most part I slept well. The walk back to the bus stop was a lot shorter this morning than the night before! We took the bus back to Venice and then quickly bought a 24 hour bus/boat pass. We definately got our 18euros worth. Riding the boats in Venice is like riding the bus in any other large city-other than that you have to walk everywhere. We went straight away to San Marco's Piaza and the Basilica. The Basilica was sooo busy! On this entire trip I haven't see a church so filled with tourists as this one. I personally think it's really sad to see places of worship so marketed. But the Basillica was very beautiful and ornate. A lot of gold in the domed ceilings and wall paintings. After walking through tthe Basillica we stood in line for an elevator ride up the San Marco Basillica's separate tower. It was windy at the top but the view gave us an aerial panorama of the entire city. We got cold, but looking over Venice was incredible. For lunch we bought ourselves some more freshly made pizza! This time I had mushroom and artichoke toppings :) We found our way through the maze of streets, almost getting lost again, but I led our group with our AMAZING map! and we made it across the city to the station we wanted. We took the boat to the outer island of Murano where they make glass. After stepping off the boat, a man pointed us in the direction of a shop where men demonstrated the art of blowing glass. Incredible. After watching the glass making/blowing process we found the nice-small downtown. We then proceeded to shop and shop and shop-poor Mark! Around 2:30pm we left Murano for the San Marco boat stop. We were back in Venice. And of course-we wandered around again! This time we bought some extremely rich and dence chocolate balls from a small corner bakery. We got on the boat again-this time riding down the Grand Canal, down the "main" part of the city and got three stops past the famous Rialto bridge. We tried to find a restaurant for an early (5pm) supper, but to no avail. Apparently they don't start serving supper until 7pm in Italy? And most restaurants close for the late afternoon/evening. We decided to use our time to get groceries for our train rides the next day. After getting gelato for an early dessert, we wandered around some more before heading to the Rialto Bridge/Grand Canal area and happened upon a restaurant that was actually open! Plus there were no cover charges! I ordered a typical Italian dish...spaghetti with vegetables (mixed in) and a glass of red wine. We had a great evening-our last night as a group of 5. (I also managed to stain my khaki skirt with a huge blot of ink...:() It presently has a light remnant of black...but is much better than it was.